You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
