At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
