She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
