But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
