Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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