I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
