i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
