So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
