Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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