Someone shit on the floor
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
