tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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