Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
