Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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