She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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