Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
