What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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