Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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