Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
