I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How does one acquire holy water?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
