i permit you to call me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
