Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
