this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
