she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
