Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
