oh god the rape fog is back!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
