is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
