I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
