if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
