When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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