i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
