I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
