she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
