The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
