after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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