well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
