I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
