You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize