zippers are such a cool invention
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize