i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
