hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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