when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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