It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
