guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
