You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
