I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
