he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
