can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
