it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
