my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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