How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
