No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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