How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
