What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
