May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
