omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
two words: eviction party
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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