The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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