I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
