why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
