I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
