Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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