FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
