You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
