Someone shit on the floor
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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